Mom: If you were going to kill someone, what weapon would you choose?
Me: A dull knife.
Dad: Why a dull knife?
Me: You want to really mess someone up and make it painful? Use a dull knife. Sure, it's going to take a bit more effort, but it isn't going to cut. It's going to rip. It'll be painful, and if they survive the healing process will be a lot more difficult and painful. A dull knife expresses more anger than a sharp knife. A sharp knife is kind of the nice guy murdering tool, but if I'm going to kill someone I'm going to assume that I have finally snapped so I'd go for something painful and vicious.
Mom: We've raised a potential serial killer.
Dad: I don't know about you, but I'm proud of the amount of thought that went into that.
(I am working the register over Christmas.)
Me: “Find everything today?”
(Note: she is silent through the transaction, which includes a gift card.)
Me: “How much would you like on this?”
Customer: “Oh, sorry. Can I have $150?”
Me: “No problem.”
Customer: *after paying* “Can you do me a favor?” *she hands me the gift card* “The next customer you see that you think could use this, could you give it to them?”
Me: *stunned* “…Of course!”
(After a minute another customer comes up, a visibly upset young woman.)
Me: “Hi! How are you?”
Customer #2: “I’m okay, thanks.”
(Clearly she is not ok, but she is trying very hard to be pleasant. She is getting very basic items: milk, bread, eggs, etc. Nothing very festive.)
Me: “So your total comes out to $0.00.”
Me: “The person before you gave me a $150 gift card to use for the next person I thought could use it. You look like you’re having a rough day, so here are your groceries, and there’s about $130 left on this card.”
(The customer just started crying. Once she could, she thanked me about 100 times. Made my whole Christmas season.)
mom: what was that?
me: my shirt fell
mom: it sounded a lot heavier than that...
me: i was in it